Kevin Smith Says Ben Affleck’s Chasing Amy Role Is the ‘Closest Character I’ve Ever Written to Myself’

Filmmaker Kevin Smith is looking back on the character that he feels most represented him when he created it: Ben Affleck’s role in Chasing Amy.

In the 1997 romantic dramedy, Affleck plays Holden McNeil, a comic-book writer and artist who falls in love with fellow comic-book writer Alyssa Jones (Joey Lauren Adams). Alyssa, who is a lesbian, reciprocates Holden’s feelings — but everything goes haywire when he learns she has had sexual relationships with other men in the past.

The critically acclaimed sleeper hit is examined in the newly released documentary Chasing Chasing Amy from filmmaker Sav Rodgers. In it, Smith — who wrote and directed Chasing Amy, his third feature film — says Holden is “the closest character I’ve ever written to myself.”

The story is told through Holden’s lens but also features controversial “harsh terminology” from characters like the homophobic Banky (Jason Lee), whom Smith says is gay and acting out due to his own “repressed” sexuality.

One scene in which Smith, 54, very much relates to Holden arrives near the end of the film. After Holden finds out about Alyssa’s past with two guys from her youth, he baits her into confirming the details to him while they’re at a hockey game, leading to a gigantic blowout fight and, eventually, the end of their romantic relationship.

In the documentary, while speaking in a segment alongside Adams, 56, Smith reflects on how she was “literally my muse” while making the film. At the time, the two were dating, having first met on the set of his 1995 sophomore feature Mallrats.

“I had a real insecurity about [how] she had a bigger past than me,” he says of Adams. “The scene in Chasing Amy where Holden is baiting her… that was me.”

Says Adams, “I admired Kevin so much because he had found such a strong voice, and knew who he was without having to go live in Bali.”

Chasing Chasing Amy explores the nuances and complexities of the film through the lens of Rodgers, who watched Chasing Amy over and over in his younger years and previously did a TED Talk about how the movie saved his life.

“On a quest to understand how a divisive LGBTQ+ ‘90s rom-com saved his life, a filmmaker is confronted with truths that will ultimately shape who he becomes,” the documentary’s official logline reads.

Its release comes not long after Smith’s 16th feature film as a director, the semi-autobiographic The 4:30 Movie, which he told PEOPLE last month is “more personal than the rest.”

“It definitely is me trying to capture that snapshot of that moment — the moment when I called my high-school girlfriend and said, ‘Do you want to go to the movies?’ ” he added. “The fear, but then the joy when she said yes.”

Chasing Chasing Amy, which premiered at the 2023 Tribeca Film Festival, is in select theaters now.