Exploring the ‘Let Them’ Theory: The Rising Self-Help Mantra Captivating the Online World
Mel Robbins’ “let them” theory has captured the attention of many online.
The self-help expert initially presented this concept through a series of viral TikTok videos. The theory revolves around the idea of relinquishing control and allowing others to act as they wish, a notion that several TikTok users have described as “life changing.”
In December 2024, Robbins expanded on this topic in her book, The Let Them Theory: A Life Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About. Upon its release, the book quickly rose to the top of multiple bestseller lists, including the New York Times, Sunday Times, and Amazon. It also found a spot on Oprah Daily’s list of “The Best Self-Help Books for Personal Growth in 2025.” As a result, thousands of TikTok videos under the hashtag “let them theory” emerged, with users sharing how it has positively affected their everyday lives. One creator noted that it made her a “better nurse,” while another attributed her newfound “peaceful” life to it.
So, what is the “let them” theory? Here’s a comprehensive overview of Mel Robbins’ impactful motto.
What is the “let them” theory?
The “let them” theory encourages individuals to release controlling behaviors and thoughts by simply reminding themselves to “Let them.”
According to Robbins, “When you ‘let them’ do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates a sense of control and emotional peace for you, fostering better relationships with those around you.” While often summarized as a two-word motto, Robbins emphasized in a January 2025 interview on the Today show that the important counterpart is “let me.”
She elaborated, saying, “Let me remind myself that I always have power,” emphasizing that individuals should recognize that their thoughts and actions are under their control. Robbins stated, “Let me remind myself that no matter what is happening around me, I choose how to allocate my time and energy.”
How did Mel Robbins discover the “let them” theory?
In a January 2025 appearance on a podcast, Robbins recounted discovering the “let them” theory during her son Oakley’s high school pre-prom party. She described herself as a “typical psycho, micro-managing mother,” concerned about everything from the corsage to the tuxedo.
When heavy rain struck during the event, Robbins found herself panicking about various logistics, including transportation and dining arrangements for 20 kids trying to avoid the downpour.
At that moment, her daughter interjected, saying, “Mom, you’re being annoying. If they want to go to the taco stand, let them. It’s their prom, not yours—let them.”
That simple reminder struck her profoundly, prompting her to realize, “Let them. Why do I care? Why am I not focused on what I want to do for dinner?” Since then, she has incorporated the “let them” theory into her daily routine. Within a week, she felt an unprecedented sense of peace.
Robbins acknowledged that while she didn’t originate the concept, it has historical roots in various philosophies, including Stoicism and Buddhism. “By saying ‘let them,’ you’re applying the wisdom of these traditions in a modern context,” she remarked.
How do you use the “let them” theory?
Implementing a new mindset can be challenging. So, how can one effectively apply the “let them” theory? The first step is to practice detachment.
In a May 2023 podcast episode, Robbins discussed how the theory helps detach from emotional or mental struggles related to others’ actions or expectations. “If an airline wants to board from the back, let them. You still have your extra legroom, regardless of how you feel about it,” she advised.
Robbins also highlighted the importance of allowing others to fail, stating, “You must give people the space to grow, learn, and take personal responsibility.” For instance, if your child misses a deadline, let them face the consequences since it’s a valuable lesson.
Additionally, she emphasized the significance of letting people be themselves. “When you allow someone to embrace their true self, you often realize that you love their potential,” she noted. “When you stop trying to change someone, it helps you understand who they are at their core.”
Applying this philosophy to parenting, she remarked, “If your child has hobbies you might not enjoy, like video games or theater, let them pursue those interests. Not allowing them to follow their passions may suffocate their individuality and self-worth.”
When does the “let them” theory not apply?
Mel Robbins strongly encourages everyone to adopt the “let them” theory but also emphasizes three important exceptions to keep in mind.
The first point she made during her podcast is that the “let them” theory should not be applied in situations where “someone is doing something dangerous or discriminating against you.”
“Do not let them do that,” Robbins advised, providing examples such as, “If you have a friend or family member who has been drinking, don’t let them drive. That’s not the time to drop your guard and go along with the flow.”
Robbins further stated, “If you witness someone harassing or discriminating against another person, you must speak up. Allowing that to happen is not acceptable.”
The next caveat is that the theory should not hinder you from asking for what you need or standing up for your rights. For instance, regarding salary negotiations, she said, “Do not simply accept the first offer. You shouldn’t let someone else dictate those terms. You have to take control in that situation.”
The third exception she mentioned is that if someone persistently violates your boundaries, you should not allow them to “walk all over you like a doormat.”
In the context of parenting, Robbins highlighted the importance of not letting your children skip school, neglect their homework, or avoid contributing to household responsibilities.
“As a parent, your role is to establish boundaries, so continue to enforce them,” she advised.
How is the public reacting to the “let them” theory?
Since the “let them” theory gained popularity online, responses from social media users have been mixed.
One user shared a video claiming that adopting the mantra “completely changed [her] life.”
Many others echoed similar sentiments, with one stating, “The best thing I’ve incorporated into my life is the ‘let them’ theory by Mel Robbins … chef’s kiss. This woman is a genius, and it has truly transformed my life.”
Conversely, another user provided a “hot take,” describing the “let them” theory as “toxic.”
“It offers an excuse for those who struggle to communicate their problems and issues with others,” she explained, adding that you “can’t just let go of people” because you feel reluctant to communicate.
“You need to give them a chance to change,” the user clarified, specifying that she was referring to “minor” conflicts with friends.
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