The Relationship Rules These 26 Celebrity Couples Swear By to Stay Together
Every marriage comes with its own set of challenges. Add add worldwide fame, frequent travel and constant demands on your time and attention, and that can be enough to strain even the strongest marriages, as many stars can attest.
However, celebrities such as Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, Rob Lowe and Sheryl Berkoff Lowe and Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have managed to make their relationships last for decades. Whether they attribute that to good sex or knowing when to walk away from arguments — or simply understanding that no outside factors can pull them apart — these Hollywood couples have managed to make their unions work while also balancing high-profile careers, thanks to some ground rules for their relationships.
Check out these 26 celebrity couples on the relationship rules that keep them together.
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Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell
Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell are Hollywood royalty and the secret to their lasting 40-year plus relationship, according to her, is simple: great sex.
“You have to have good sex,” she told E! News at MindUP’s The Goldie Hawn Foundation charity back in September.
“Because sex is something that connects you and creates more belonging. People who have healthy sexual relationships usually last a lot longer,” Hawn explained. “But it’s not just because of the act, it’s because of the warmth and the intimacy that it creates.”
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Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen
Married for 29 years, Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen revealed that being honest, dividing up the duties and making up quickly after a fight is what keeps their union going strong.
“Just tell the truth. The only time I get really angry with Mary is when I’m wrong,” Danson told PEOPLE back in 2021 in a joint interview with his wife. “But he’s wrong a lot,” she teased, to which Danson concurred, “I am. It’s only when you’re being defensive or fearful that you get angry.”
During disagreements, Danson admitted he’s the first to apologize. (“But ‘stop being mad’ is usually the first five minutes of my apology,” he joked.)
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Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban
Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have been together for 17 years, and the secret to their union is that each person keeps doing their part.
“I think it’s knowing that you have to keep contributing to what we call the ‘us.’ You go, ‘Does this work for us?’” the Big Little Lies actress told PEOPLE in 2018.
“When you make an us, it’s yours together — that’s what you create,” she explained. “Nobody else has that. It’s just between the two of you.”
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Barbra Streisand and James Brolin
Barbra Streisand and James Brolin may have gotten together when they were already older — he was 56 and she was 54 — but that doesn’t mean their relationship didn’t need some fine-tuning.
“I think everybody needs to be a negotiator,” Brolin told PEOPLE in a 2022 cover story. “Everybody needs to have patience and know when to take a walk.”
“Being understanding where your rages and your fire comes from,” Brolin explained. “Knowing that they will calm down and you can negotiate. I don’t think anybody’s immune to that no matter how great lovers look over at that table, let’s say.”
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Robert Downey Jr. and Susan Downey
Many successful celebrity couples have some version of the “two week rule,” in which they have a maximum amount of time they can go without seeing each other, despite their busy schedules. Susan Downey, who has been married to Robert Downey Jr. since 2005, explained how they used that as the foundation for their family to PEOPLE.
“We do have a two-week rule, which often feels too long, but we don’t go more than two weeks without seeing each other and the family being together,” Susan said. “You just have to have some basic things in place, and then you have to be willing to flow with the rest of it.”
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Jamie Lee Curtis and Christopher Guest
For Bobby Berk and Dewey Do, it’s all about making each other feel special.
“It was our 20th [anniversary] in May, and him and I have never really been like anniversary people or birthday people,” he told PEOPLE at the One House Toast to the Emmys event back in September. “It’s funny, we used to always laugh that neither of us knew it was our anniversary until Facebook would tell us.”
The reason why holidays are not a big thing in their relationship is because the couple “love[s] to celebrate each other every day.”
“You know, we love to just take a little weekend trip here and there,” the interior designer told PEOPLE. “We did just go to Ireland, and actually, around our anniversary, we were in Asia. So, yeah, I wouldn’t say there was one specific thing we did for our anniversary, but we’ve always been the type of people. We celebrate each other every day.”
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Adam Brody and Leighton Meester
For Adam Brody, choosing to marry Leighton Meester is the best decision he’s ever made.
As he told Hoda Kotb and Jenna Bush Hager while visiting their show last month, Brody, who’s been married to the Gossip Girl alum for 10 years, said the secret to a good union begins with picking well.
Asked what the secret sauce to his long-lasting marriage was, Brody answered, “Oh, pick someone good. Be lucky and be in love with someone who’s great and then just kind of listen to them.”
He continued, “If you’re with someone great, you’re on third base. Not that it doesn’t take sacrifice and humility and you have to grow together and you have to be willing to grow, because you’re not going to be able to stay 100 percent right where you are. But if you’re with someone wonderful, I think you’re on third base.”
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Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld
Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld’s relationship dates back to 1998. The pair, who have been married since December 1999, says their relationship works because their communication is strong.
“We’re all civilians first of all, and every relationship and certainly Hollywood marriages — when people are traveling — and he travels all the time, are challenging when you don’t spend time together and you don’t work on the relationship,” she said as they hosted the Good + Foundation’s 2019 Bash at Victorian Gardens in Central Park. “He’s the most incredible communicator and so he’s better at this relationship than I am.”
“Also that we are not codependent. We both have a very strong work ethic and a huge passion for our work,” she later added.
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Ree Drummond and Ladd Drummond
Pioneer Woman Ree Drummond and her Pioneer Man, husband of nearly 30 years Ladd, also abide by the rule that you should not go to bed angry. Oh, and you should be sure to touch feet.
“We don’t go to sleep in each other’s arms—we like our space—but our feet always touch,” she told PEOPLE. “I know that if our feet touch before we go to sleep at night, we’re not going to bed upset or angry. If we’ve had a little disagreement, as long as our feet touch, it’s all good.”
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Elton John and David Furnish
The couple of more than 30 years have one very simple rule that keeps them connected: “never go to bed on an argument,” Furnish told PEOPLE.
Even if they have to stay up until 3:00 a.m. to hash out their disagreement, he said, “We always make sure that before we turn in at night, if there’s any kind of hostility in the air or, ‘I’m not speaking to you. Really pissed me off,’ we don’t go to sleep on it. We don’t carry it over the next day.”
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Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds
Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue were together for 40 years before the beloved talk show host died on Aug. 18, 2024 at 88 years old.
In a 2020 cover story for AARP the Magazine, the couple opened up about some of the things that made their relationship work.
“Through the years you learn that everything is not that big a deal, and this isn’t going to break us up no matter what, so you get used to saying, ‘Ok, let’s just talk it out’,” Thomas said.
“The secret of good communication? Screaming helps,” joked Donahue. “At least then you know if whether the person you’re screaming at is listening. Then go in the other room and count to ten.”
He adds, “A little humor certainly in a marriage goes a long way.”
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Rob Lowe and Sheryl Berkoff Lowe
Like Brody, Rob Lowe agrees that marrying the right person makes all the difference.
While on the iHeartPodcast Table for Two with Bruce Bozzi last year, the West Wing actor shared that being best friends with wife Sheryl has sustained their 33-year-long marriage.
“[Marriage] is hard anywhere, it is not just Hollywood – it’s everywhere,” he told host Bruce Bozzi. “Sheryl was and is my best friend. So if you marry for anything other than the fact that is your best friend, you’re at a disadvantage from the jump, because that will sustain when the other stuff ebbs and flows.”
Secondly, Lowe also said keeping the flame strong was also a key factor.
“I do believe you need the heat for sure,” he shared. “If you don’t have the heat – and that’s a chemical thing – I mean I still have it with Sheryl, you gotta keep the heat.”
He continued: “That comes and goes too, there are times when you are like, ‘Nah.’ And then there are times when you are wild for somebody.”
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Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz
Quality time keeps Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz’s 14-year union on solid ground.
“Really carving out the time for each other,” she told the Wall Street Journal in a March 2023 interview. “We all struggle with it. There’s so much to balance. There’s so much to do. And you find yourself running and doing the things for school, for the kids, and doing all the things for your lists, for all the dreams you have in your career, and what you have to do next.”
“That time together with you and your partner is so priceless,” she continued. “And to carve out that time and to make that important, as important as those daily things, I think it really pours back into the relationship.”
“You remember why you are in love, you remember why you just like each other, what’s interesting about each other,” she concluded.
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Snoop Dogg and Shante Broadus
Long before he was the rap legend he is today, Snoop Dogg was already locked in with Shante, his wife of now, 27 years. The two first met while attending Long Beach’s Polytechnic High School in the ’80s and stuck by each others’ side through the ups and downs.
While speaking about his long-lasting marriage, the “Gin and Juice” rapper told PEOPLE one secret to a long marriage is to purposefully make your partner happy.
“Find out what your companion loves the most and concentrate on doing it the most. That’s real love,” he said.
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Tim McGraw and Faith Hill
For Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, it’s all about being equal decision-makers in the relationship.
Asked what drives their relationship, McGraw jokingly responded, “Well the car I drive, the relationship she drives,” while on Today, back in 2017.
He added, “It’s pretty even. We make decisions about things in different ways, but we always talk about it before we do it. And you know, having three daughters, we sort of acquiesced to mom quite a bit on those decisions.”
And when it comes to parsing through arguments, McGraw revealed they’ haven’t been afraid of facing conflict head-on in their now 27-year marriage. The key is being able to get back on the same page.
“First and foremost you should be able to argue and you should be able to have discussions or yelling matches or whatever,” he said.
“But I think the key is,” he continued, “You can go into an argument and your first thought shouldn’t always be ‘Should I be in this relationship?’ That should be the last thought you have in an argument.”
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Denzel Washington and Pauletta Washington
Pauletta Washington told PEOPLE that there are no shortcuts when it comes to maintaining her 41-year marriage to Denzel Washington. Just love.
“We work at it. It’s work,” she said. “There are a lot of prayers for strength for staying in a forgiveness mode and both parts, mine and his. … But it’s the basic love that we have for each other.”
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Luke Bryan and Caroline Boyer
For Luke Bryan and his wife Caroline Boyer, nearly two decades together has taught them to pick and choose their battles.
“There’s some ‘opposites attract’ that goes on,” Bryan told PEOPLE in 2021. “I think it makes us drive each other crazy, but then it pulls us together, too. We’ve gotten better at understanding when we need to sit down and work through something. And we’ve also gotten better at realizing when we just need to forgive each other and move on, and we’re not gonna let something hang us up for a couple of days. Life’s too short!”
Caroline agreed, saying, “Just like everyone, we have our arguments, bad days, and disagreements. However, we always talk out our problems. Marriage isn’t always a fairy tale! It’s a battle that both people have to be willing to fight. Each day whether we are blissfully happy or not, we fight for each other.”
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Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas
Catherine Zeta-Jones told WSJ. Magazine that having “a lot of fun” with husband of 20+ years Michael Douglas was the main thing that kept them strong, despite a significant age gap and untraditional jobs.
“My husband is 25 years older than me; that’s not a secret. With any relationship, it wouldn’t be normal if there weren’t any ups and downs,” she explained. “The constant is love and respect. We’ve never, ever lost our sense of humor, and we enjoy each other’s company.”
She continued, “My husband and I spend a lot of time together because, unlike so many couples, we’ve never had a 9-to-5 job where it’s consistent. We’re either on or we’re off. I’m really working 16 hours a day, or I’m not. He’s doing the same, or not. … So we’ve had, in our relationship, huge amounts of time where we’ve been just us. We lived on the island of Bermuda for 12 years bringing up our kids. We respect each other’s space, and our humor is just long-lasting.”
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Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka
The secret to Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka’s 20-year relationship is quite simple.
“I think the secret to a relationship is just perseverance, you know?” the How I Met Your Mother star told Entertainment Tonight. “It’s not always pretty … but he’s pretty, so it makes it easy,” the actor joked.
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Pink and Carey Hart
“For us, the answer is there’s no quit button. Unless we find one. Right now, we don’t have one,” Pink told Extra in 2021, of her relationship with husband Carey Hart.
“But it’s also couples’ counseling. Learning how to speak the same language, ’cause we don’t speak the same language.”
Pink and Hart met back in 2001 and began dating the same year. And while their relationship was on and off, the couple has managed to always find their way back to each other and have been married for 18 years.
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Jimmy Carter and Rosalynn Carter
In one of the longest marriages in American history, Jimmy Carter and his wife Rosalynn were together for a staggering 77 years before she died in 2023. The key? Giving each other space while also embracing their commonalities.
“We’ve survived this long together because first of all, we give each other plenty of space to do our own thing,” President Carter told Good Morning America in 2021.
The relationship worked, he added, in part because they “share as much as [they] possibly can” when it comes to their interests — like making fly fishing around the world “a major part of [their] recreation.”
“We’re always looking to do things or find things we can do together, like fly fishing and bird watching and just going out to the pond, catch a fish,” Rosalynn added at the time.
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Salma Hayek and François-Henri Pinault
On an episode of Red Table Talk back in 2021, Salma Hayek revealed that the secret to her marriage with business mogul François-Henri Pinault is to not point the finger in the midst of a disagreement.
“When there is conflict, we put all the energy in solving the problem — never finding who to blame or, ‘You should have done this or that.’ No,” the actress said. “All our energy goes into, ‘How do we solve this?’
Because of that Hayek said, “We’ve never said anything nasty to each other,” she added. “No resentment.”
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Kathy Hilton and Rick Hilton
If distance makes the heart grow fonder, Kathy and Rick Hilton know nothing about it. Parents to Paris and Nicky Hilton have been married for 43 years but have never spent too much time apart, despite their busy schedules.
“We have not been away from each other for two weeks in 43 years of marriage,” the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star told PEOPLE.
She also subscribes to the idea of not going to bed mad at your partner saying, “I don’t think you go to bed without saying, ‘I love you,’ and giving each other a kiss and never in a fight or anything,” she continued. “If you have had a disagreement, you always make up before you go to sleep and keep a little mystery and always keep it exciting and fun.”
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Jessica Alba and Cash Warren
For Jessica Alba and Cash Warren, it’s all about quality time and keeping things in perspective.
“It’s something you really have to make a choice to do,” she told PEOPLE about prioritizing her 16-year marriage to Cash Warren. “You have to really find time to make time for each other.”
She continued, “Going through the motions of the day-to-day is what it is, but it’s important to just know that we have to be a priority, and taking those moments to see each other and have a giggle and not be on the phone and just actually connect.”
Alba also revealed her marriage keeps things in perspective, admitting, “Anytime we ebb or flow, we just look around and it’s like, ‘Actually, at my worst, I’m still better off with you.”
“You have to look up and say, ‘Would my life be better if we weren’t together?’ And every time, it’s, ‘No.’ We’re friends, you know?”
Source: People
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